Urban Taggers: Rant: We're all blaster snobs

I'd like to share this rant from Urban Taggers. I know that I have been there many times, and I'm sure that a few of you have as well. Take a read and get a good laugh, get pissed at all of those losers, and then give yourself a pat on the back.

I was standing in the toy gun aisle in a Target the other day while I overheard a conversation a man was having with what I think was his gf/wife about Super Soakers. He picked up a Thunderstorm box and showed it to her and said "I got me two of these, Fully automatic madness. I'm gonna totally own Dan's kids next time we have a water fight"

She seemed suitably impressed and said the customary grown up thing to say of "they look so dangerous, so different to when WE were kids" and thought he was an all round wacky kinda guy.

I just looked at them in horror, quietly shook my head and thought to myself "lightweight":P Are you serious? Water guns when you were a kid would totally destroy two Thunderstorms.

How many times has this happened to you when you hear someone talk about toy blasters like they're an expert but really, they have no clue and you can't help but think they're a total noob? Yup, that's how I felt. And then I realized. Dear god, I am a blaster snob..

                            
Ever been to some sort of regular mixer and some guy is trying to go on about how awesome he is because he bought a Nerf gun and boasts about it being a 6 shooter and you feel the massive desire to just jump in and say "that's a Maverick, it's been around for ages, normally the first gun any 8yo gets in the Nerf range, whatever chump"? Then you're a blaster snob.

If you've ever had some friend of yours who's a parent go on about how their kid has "so many Nerf guns" and you look at their collection and say "yawn, yeah I've got them all but that one isn't very good, you obviously don't love your child very much" then... you're a blaster snob.

Ever had someone come to you to tell you about the "latest Nerf gun" and you say "I have it, that's not new".. then you're a blaster snob.

Do you read websites where mainstream journalists write about toy blasters and obviously have no real idea what they're on about, and the photos they show with them holding one like it's from another planet just make you want to cringe and write a comment under their article letting them know the Nitron is NOT the biggest Nerf blaster out there and they're "holding it by the clip, noob"? Then you're a blaster snob.

If you've ever said "it's a blaster, not a gun" then you're a blaster snob.

If you take pleasure in absolutely outclassing some punk who thinks he's the shiz with his stock Recon with your heavily modded to death Longshot and making it rain foam all over him while telling him exactly WHY his blaster is inferior to yours, even if said punk is only 10 years old and you're old enough to be his dad.. then you're a blaster snob.

If you actually read this blog, and blogs like it.. then you're a blaster snob. Especially if you find inaccuracies in my posts and call me on it. Then you're a pedantic douche of a blaster snob :P (hehe)

And, if you've ever cringed at a mother buying a Cosmic Thruster, you know you're probably a blaster snob too. Although if you throw yourself in front of her and stop her and convince her to buy something else, you're just a good Samaritan.

A few final that I'd like to add:

Ever overheard someone talking about how badass their blaster is because they removed the ARs and thought to yourself, "Punk, this Longshot has a K26, Xplorer Priming Sled, and this badass priming grip. I'm pretty sure that I could rain foam on you from my house. You got nothing on me." Then you're a blaster snob.

Ever shot a dart 120' PTG... Yup. Blaster Snob.

Ever had a 10 year old kid email you asking for a Longshot commission and offer $20 to have the blaster built, painted, and shipped? Yup.

Ever seen a stripped down Lanard Scatterblast ductaped to the top of a Raider and think, "Jesus I hope you have fun reloading that while zombies are running at you. And come on dude... a Raider?" yup.


Dual wielding Mavericks... lol loser.



While talking with a 15yo, you find out that all he did to his Recon is paint it black and thought, "I'm sorry."
Well, you can consider yourself a Blaster Snob.

If the first words out of your mouth when you hand a blaster to a buddy are "Don't shoot me with that." You might be a blaster snob.

If the freshman down the hall think they are hot shit when they show up to the first nerf war with a Maverick and a Tactical Vest and you ever so tactically flank them so you can humiliate them with a BF3 style knife kill to end the round... Yea, check that one off the list. You are a blaster snob.

Ever dress like this to get the freshman to waste their ammo on you, then shoot them with a Jolt whole they scramble to reload? This man is a blaster snob.

You're a blaster snob if you have seen a Deploy and asked to have it so you can "dispose of it properly."

Ever had someone show up with a Vulcan and a 100 round belt, only to have him take three steps and have his belt fall all over the place? Get a good laugh and call yourself a blaster snob.

Ever tell someone that you have nerfer contacts in Singapore and Australia and have them ask why? Blaster snob.

You might be a blaster snob if all that you do is smile and nod while the new guy tells you about how he bought a Stampede for $60, a barricade for $16, a surplus military dropbag for $30, and a 6rd flip clip for $12. Then watch as he goes solo on HvZ and stand at the top of the hill while he thinks that standing in the middle of the baseball field is a good idea. Smirking while you see the zombie hoard break up onto all four sides of the field and sprint at him from all sides? Yea... you're a blaster snob.